![]() ![]() ![]() And once you've got a handle on things and, more importantly, a big sack of cash, you can start buying your own houses, all of which were apparently recently vacated by meth-dealing cockroach farmers who never quite pinned down the difference between a toilet and a floor. So you play a sort of mercenary handyman and at first, to get to grips, you're given some contract jobs where someone just wants you to come into their house and clean, repaint, buy specific furniture, and/or shag the missus. So this is where we are: I'm reviewing a daytime television simulator for frustrated spouses who want to imagine trussing up their fantasy dream home even as their real-life home descends into filth and squalor around them. And House Flipper is the kind of thing we'll all be playing for escapism in a few years, after society collapses and we've got a few hours to kill before Lord Humungus raids us at dawn. But, you know, I've occasionally found some value in games that fall into the genre of "what it's like to have a real job" I've whiled away many an hour in Stardew Valley and Euro Truck Simulator, and I do have a lot of podcasts I've been meaning to listen to. It's a thrilling, first-person RPG in which you play a proud, stoic adventurer who comes to a land blighted by the forces of a less-than-satisfactory housing market and must battle sinister oil stains and a mismatched internal décor with naught but your mighty Stippling Brush and the Color Swatches of Zenthar!" Ohh… you are taking the piss. Just one question: Are you taking the piss? "No, seriously! It's had even more user reviews than Wizard of Legend. ![]() "Well, you know what all the kids have been talking about this week: House Flipper." Hmm, intriguing. All right, Steam stop kicking that visual novel developer in the stomach for a second so I can see what's on your "Top Sellers" list. I have a feeling it's going to be a long summer E3 hasn't even been and gone yet, and I already emptied out the retro review bucket. ![]() Yahtzee reviews House Flipper and FAR: Lone Sails. ![]()
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